When you share your life with a family dog whom you love very much, it is easy to see how you may interpret your dog licking you as a sign of affection. And, while there may be times when that is the case, there are many more times when your dog licking your face or body part is a form of communication indicating discomfort. In these moments, your dog is instead giving you a Kiss to Dismiss.
My dog often licks my legs because I wear body lotion but that is another topic for another day.
What is a Kiss to Dismiss?
Jen Shryock, founder and CEO of Family Paws (for whom I am a licensed parent educator), coined this phrase after receiving many calls through the FP support line from a parent saying something like this:
We don’t understand why our dog bit our toddler out of the blue. He always gives her kisses. He loves our daughter!
As a FP parent educator, I too get calls like this. I wrote more about this as it relates to babies and toddlers in this blog post.
However, dogs use this form of communication between dogs and grown people too. It is an attempt to create space and end interaction. Licking in these instances can also be a way of communicating, I mean no bad intent (appeasing); it can be a stress coping strategy; and it can break tension of front eye contact or body pressure.
Often this can happen when someone encroaches on a dog’s personal space. In these moments, if you observe carefully, you will see your dog displaying other signs of stress too.
Below are some of the common dog stress signals
Leaning away
Pushing paws into the ground or against the space invader
Blinking
Yawning
Stiff body muscles
Breathing change
Change in ear position
Closed mouth or panting
Whale eyes (showing the whites of the eyes)
Following the licks, your dog may turn or move away as a visible sign of relief.
Why should you learn to recognize your dog’s body language?
It is important to recognize a dog’s Kiss to Dismiss (and other stress signals) and; when you see these communication cues, to give your dog (or a dog not your own) space. If you do not, and your dog is not able to get the relief he is seeking, there is a high likelihood that he will find it necessary to escalate his communication. He may either shut down or feel the need to growl, snarl, lunge or even bite.
Watch this video below to help you learn.
